Dustande - Rebirth
< Names Lost and Found
I was chosen for greatness, hand-picked by the elders of the Circle to join the ranks of the Reborn. That day remains forever engrained upon my memory for it was the day that my life as a carefree child ended, and my second life was to begin. They called it Rebirth, a time when the person we had been died as we stepped into the shadowed halls of the Circle Chamber. Stripped naked we halted before a circular pool at the centre of the hall, the sharp shaft of sunlight slicing from the opening at the dome of the chamber glittering upon the slightly undulating waters of that pool. Here, in the centre of our enlightened realm both sky and water met within the embrace of earth and shadow.
All thoughts of our families were overshadowed by the apprehension and fear of that moment, all memories of the world we had left behind pushed to the back of our minds to be locked away and never thought of once more.
Who would be worthy?
To be one of the Reborn was an honour fit only for a select few, an honour that superseded all others. If we were worthy we would have the privilege of protecting and honouring our God Queen, a being so divine that none had ever gazed upon her directly, to do so would surely mean death, for mortal eyes cannot withstand the serenity of the celestial ones. She had ruled our people for decades in immortal glory and justice, the last of Her divine kind to guide us through a world we had never understood and protect us from the chaos we had all but teetered upon.
They would decide; the Elders of the Circle. The only beings who had ever gazed upon our Queen, their unwavering faith and devotion to Her had elevated them above the level of mere mortals such as we. The Circle were men who devoted each waking minute to Her glory, men who had given their life to Her and been blessed for their unwavering dedication.
They had come from the deep cool shadows of the Circle Chamber in a long silent line of crimson robes, the heady aroma of incense and myrrh mingled with scents I had never smelled before in my short life. None of us moved, as still as though we had been carved of marble, the smoke stinging our eyes, pulses quickening as They paused before us. They did not speak; no sound escaping those lips hidden deep beneath the crimson shadow of their hoods. The water in the pool continued to stir, rippled by some unfelt breeze or current, like a heartbeat slowly pulsing. The black depths remained unlit by the shaft of light, the water falling deep into a dark abyss which led into the bowels of the earth from which we had all crawled in the primordial times of Creation.
And then the first of us stepped forward, called forth into action by a single gesture. All eyes were upon that boy as he stepped uncertainly towards the pool, knowing without being told that he must enter the water if he was to be tested. Into the single shaft of light he went, his skin prickling with a chill that was caused by no wind. And there at the edge of the water he paused for a second’s hesitation before he slipped into the dark depths.
The silence of that moment was like no other, heavy upon the air and gathering a presence of its own as it pressed its cold shoulders about us. Time had ceased to move in that incense wreathed chamber, our fates to be decided in a moment none of us could now avoid. We had stepped beneath the pillared gates of the Circle and left our old life behind, dead to the world and waiting in that cold shadowed womb to either be reborn, or absorbed.
The boy did not resurface, he was unworthy.
One by one we were summoned forward, our fear now palpable on our tongues, acrid and heavy, threatening to choke us. Some began to weep and beg to return, refusing to move, but they had made their choice, they could not go back. They, like us all, could not refuse that gesture which drew them towards the water, and from it once more they did not emerge.
And then it was my turn to be tested, the moment that may be my new conception, or my second death. My muscles had all but frozen in the chill that had come upon me, but when that gesture came I could not refuse the movement of my limbs, drawing me towards that dark black abyss. I felt neither the warmth of the sun on my skin nor the coolness of the marble at my feet, in that moment I was alone, a creature that was neither dead nor alive, moving steadily towards fate.
I did not hesitate, the touch of the water warm as blood as it rose about my shoulders and I took my final glance at the place hidden within the shadows of the sun where earth, water, and air all met. The crimson red robes remained as statues within the cold darkness away from the light, those who had already been Reborn stood shivering and shaken, muscles twitching now and then like the nervous twitch of a horse, something close to empty shock in their eyes.
The water embraced me then, its warm fingers closing over my head and pulling me into their hold. The world I was in was one of darkness, absolute and unfathomable as I was pulled down deeper into the warmth. Panic and fear are two instincts we have come to rely upon for our survival and in that deep nothingness I felt both erupt from the very core of my being and threaten to engulf me. Instantly I became truly Aware once more, my body fighting and struggling to be free of the confines of that warm embrace. I do not know in which direction I thrashed, or if I moved at all, for in that time of madness nothing made sense, the world was black and silent, my limbs touched no surfaces of confines, I truly existed in nothingness. And then I heard it, coming to me through the panic and fear and insanity which clouded my mind: the beating of my heart.
Some part of my rational mind returned in a snap and I ceased my struggles, my limbs growing light, my body existing symbiotically in that state of ethereal Being. I was being pushed, pushed by the currents in gentle waves, my body borne upwards through that narrow darkness towards light. I emerged, taking my first gasping breath of sweet air, the light dazzling and new to my endarkened eyes. Scrambling for a purchase I pulled my body from the water of my birth, slipping and panting upon the marble like a newborn lamb, forcing my legs to stand.
I do not know what became of those who were unworthy, the boys who did not emerge as I did, but from that moment I was one of the Reborn and my new life was about to begin.